911

If you don't know Wyclef Jean and Mary J Blige's song, 911, then you gotta listen to it first before you read this blog!

How many of us have had that 911 kinda love?

The love that your momma and the old folks warned you about?

I sure have!!! Its surreal, amazing, and you feel like you're floating all the time. But its also hard, painful and it can sometimes literally feel like you got shot in the heart.

That kind of love is trouble but whenever you look in his/her eyes, its worth the sacrifice.

You'll feel like a prisoner but even if he or she opened the door to let you out, you would rather stay.

And when it gets too much, you'll finally need to call 911.

I hope you get lucky; I hope you're still breathing when they get there...

I nearly didn't make it.

I like...

Sometimes you wonder what you are doing in a certain place. Why aren't you elsewhere? What are you contributing to the place you're at? Will people notice if you leave? Will they miss you when you are not there? These are the questions that go through our minds.

I like to think I came to AUN to help someone whenever they needed a place to crash.
I like to believe that someone will miss me when I am not here cause they don't have that person that always makes 'em laugh.
I like to think that someone knows if I wasn't in a certain class, he or she would have failed the course.
I like to think I gave someone courage to do something they didn't think they could do.
I like to think that I showed someone that just cause a girl won't date you, doesn't mean she didn't care about you.
I like to think I made someone's birthday a very special one.
I like to think I provide an anchor for someone and having me around meant having someone to always talk to.
I like to think my existence showed someone that angels do come to earth once in a while.
I like to think my being here showed someone what real love is.

If you are not doing anything for anyone where you are, then why are you there?

Letting go isn't always easy (R.I.P Aunty Vio)

Yesterday, I was very down and depressed. I looked around and started to see all the things I would miss when I do leave AUN. For those of you who don't know, I am transferring to a new school in fall and leaving AUN for good. At least, that is the hope! But yesterday, as I sat outside at my favorite spot in front of Girls' Dorm, a lot of memories came to me. Right up was the window of the only room I ever stayed in and I suddenly saw my old roommate, Rosemary, dancing, as silly as ever. This of course was all in my head because Rosemary graduated last year. Next i looked at the stones on the ground. The stones my ex boyfriend used to pick up and throw at the window whenever he came around looking for me. Even where I sat, was where he and I had always stayed whenever I came down, talking, cuddling, laughing and sometimes, fighting. Before I knew it, I was crying for AUN! A place I thought I was so happy to leave. Its funny how hard letting go can be.

Today is the 3rd year anniversary of the death of one of my favourite aunts. She died in a car crash in 2007 on this very day. Cruel April Fools' joke huh? I also realised that I haven't let go of her yet. Obviously I am not supposed to forget her but I surely haven't said goodbye yet. I am scared that if I do, then she really is dead! Is that crazy or what? Well its how I feel.

Letting go is tough. But its something we all have to do at some point in our lives. We either let go of old friends, old schools, old relationships, and lost loved ones. If you don't know how to let go, you basically end up carrying a lot of baggage through out your life, like I have done for the past three years.

I am using today to let go finally. Rest in Peace Aunty Violet. I miss you dearly, but you are in a better place. Xxx

Mirror mirror on the wall

Yesterday, just before my class, I went into the bathroom and stared at the mirror. I laughed for a good five minutes after, and then the tears surfaced. Why was I laughing? I laughed because I saw a baby in the mirror; cute clear face, dimples, innocent smile, even now I don't use weaves anymore, it makes me look younger. So I laughed at the irony of it all, I laughed at the fact that people who don't know me well, always look at my face and think I am capable of nothing. They think I am just a baby!

Then the tears came. They came because of the memory of each time I have felt pain too deep for a baby. They came because as I stared at myself in the mirror, I realized this; I am a woman trapped in the "little girl" persona people label me with. Only very few people really know me. Most others from my parents, to friends, to other relatives and even acquaintances would be amazed to know what I have done and the things I have felt.

At first, it was amusing. Fooling people with the innocent eyes and dimples gave me a thrill. But yesterday, as I stared at my teary-eyed reflection on the wall, I realized that it was time to stop, because I don't even know who I am anymore. Rather, I know who I am but I spend way too much time hiding that person because I feel the need to protect those who think I am a baby. I give them the baby they want to see and now, that has gotten exhausting.

We all need to start living for ourselves. Be who you are and those that truly love you and care about you will be there. Those that don't accept the real you, maybe they aren't meant to be a continuos chapter in your life. Turn the page and move on. The worst thing you can do to yourself, is denying who you REALLY are.

Twitter, and the Blackberry!!!

Its been a while since I blogged. Twitter is taking over. Its like mini blogging! Also, I don't really have anything to blog about but some people are missing my wise words (yeah right!) so I am back! If you miss me on blogger though, feel free to follow me on Twitter. http://twitter.com/Tara_Obiago

Now, how many of us are always messing about with that little device called a Blackberry? Blackberries are taking over! We now say "ping her" instead of "call her" and when someone gets a Blackberry, it's like "finally, you have joined civilization!"

I was once one of the "BB beefers" but now I have one, I can't believe I went so long without one! I am no addict though. At least, I don't think so. I still have a few friends that ain't on the BB madness yet and texting 'em feels like a throwback! LOL.

I wonder what will be next when we all get over the Blackberry. Like a friend of mine said (on Twitter by the way!), life was simpler when the Apple and Blackberry were just fruits!