When It Rains

When it rains, it makes me happy
Cause I'd rather have it pour
Than face the sun.

When it rains, I feel nostalgic
Cause I remember us
Memories I try so hard to push away.

When it rains, I feel alone
Cause it gets cold
And you're not there to hold me.

When it rains, it saves me face
Cause then you can't see
That I am crying as I walk away.

When it rains, I miss you
Cause it reminds me
Of when we first fell in love.

When it rains, I'm not the same
Cause my spirit wanders away...
I know you can feel me next to you.

One mail a day

Kennedy and Karen were very good friends. They loved and respected each other and were always there for one another. It was no surprise when they fell in love and begun dating. They were so good together, they had fans and they had haters. The haters made it hard, the fans showed them they had something worth holding on to.

As in any normal relationship, they had their problems. Kennedy's was trust mainly, and Karen had a deep insecurity. Kennedy started to change, and so did Karen. They went on and off but always found a way back to each other.

Till the day they couldn't hold it together anymore. They broke up still in love and with promises to come back home when they had each sorted out their own personal issues. We all know that birds always have to leave the nest at some point. If they return or not, should be left to them. Karen never strayed far. Metaphorically speaking, she went back ever so often to keep the nest tidy; for the day she and Kennedy would be back home.

Kennedy had other plans. He flew so far away, Karen started to give up hope that he would ever come back. She stopped checking on "their nest" and flew away too.

I am sure we all know how this story goes. When she left, is when Kennedy decided to drop by to check on the nest. He wasn't even ready to come back yet. No, he just wanted to make sure Karen was still around. Was he mad when he discovered she had flown away too! He called for her and they talked. "Stay around" he said to her. "I'll be home soon, I still love you." "Then why can't you just come back now? I am ready, what's still keeping you out there?" Karen replied. "I still have issues to sort out and I don't want to bring them back here. I want a clean fresh start for us." And so Karen bought it, and came back to wait around for when Kennedy would finally be ready.

But again, I am sure we all know how this story goes. Kennedy still flew off again. This time, much farther away. Karen stayed there, stupid in love, waiting for him. He went and made another nest somewhere else and she heard about it. Not believing it, she called for him and asked him if it was true. "I meant to tell you" he said. Karen and Kennedy had finally reached the end of their fraying rope. Karen packed up her things, took back her heart and asked Kennedy never to contact her again.

Now, at this point, you may not all know how the story goes. But don't worry, that's what I am here to tell. "You don't know what you have till it's gone." That is what happened to Kennedy.

One mail a day, he'll send to her. One mail a day, till she speaks to him again. One mail a day, for the rest of his life.

One mail a day... is it enough?

911

If you don't know Wyclef Jean and Mary J Blige's song, 911, then you gotta listen to it first before you read this blog!

How many of us have had that 911 kinda love?

The love that your momma and the old folks warned you about?

I sure have!!! Its surreal, amazing, and you feel like you're floating all the time. But its also hard, painful and it can sometimes literally feel like you got shot in the heart.

That kind of love is trouble but whenever you look in his/her eyes, its worth the sacrifice.

You'll feel like a prisoner but even if he or she opened the door to let you out, you would rather stay.

And when it gets too much, you'll finally need to call 911.

I hope you get lucky; I hope you're still breathing when they get there...

I nearly didn't make it.

I like...

Sometimes you wonder what you are doing in a certain place. Why aren't you elsewhere? What are you contributing to the place you're at? Will people notice if you leave? Will they miss you when you are not there? These are the questions that go through our minds.

I like to think I came to AUN to help someone whenever they needed a place to crash.
I like to believe that someone will miss me when I am not here cause they don't have that person that always makes 'em laugh.
I like to think that someone knows if I wasn't in a certain class, he or she would have failed the course.
I like to think I gave someone courage to do something they didn't think they could do.
I like to think that I showed someone that just cause a girl won't date you, doesn't mean she didn't care about you.
I like to think I made someone's birthday a very special one.
I like to think I provide an anchor for someone and having me around meant having someone to always talk to.
I like to think my existence showed someone that angels do come to earth once in a while.
I like to think my being here showed someone what real love is.

If you are not doing anything for anyone where you are, then why are you there?

Letting go isn't always easy (R.I.P Aunty Vio)

Yesterday, I was very down and depressed. I looked around and started to see all the things I would miss when I do leave AUN. For those of you who don't know, I am transferring to a new school in fall and leaving AUN for good. At least, that is the hope! But yesterday, as I sat outside at my favorite spot in front of Girls' Dorm, a lot of memories came to me. Right up was the window of the only room I ever stayed in and I suddenly saw my old roommate, Rosemary, dancing, as silly as ever. This of course was all in my head because Rosemary graduated last year. Next i looked at the stones on the ground. The stones my ex boyfriend used to pick up and throw at the window whenever he came around looking for me. Even where I sat, was where he and I had always stayed whenever I came down, talking, cuddling, laughing and sometimes, fighting. Before I knew it, I was crying for AUN! A place I thought I was so happy to leave. Its funny how hard letting go can be.

Today is the 3rd year anniversary of the death of one of my favourite aunts. She died in a car crash in 2007 on this very day. Cruel April Fools' joke huh? I also realised that I haven't let go of her yet. Obviously I am not supposed to forget her but I surely haven't said goodbye yet. I am scared that if I do, then she really is dead! Is that crazy or what? Well its how I feel.

Letting go is tough. But its something we all have to do at some point in our lives. We either let go of old friends, old schools, old relationships, and lost loved ones. If you don't know how to let go, you basically end up carrying a lot of baggage through out your life, like I have done for the past three years.

I am using today to let go finally. Rest in Peace Aunty Violet. I miss you dearly, but you are in a better place. Xxx