Perception (Misunderstood)

Perception...a way of regarding, interpreting or understanding something. More often than not, perception (especially pertaining to humans) is wrong. It's better to work with fact.

Unfortunately, some people are just unlucky. When dealing with them, people always assume...they never ask. Why isn't really the point. After all, just the same way we have the rich, we have the poor. There's thin and there's fat and there's nice and there's mean. So we have those that no matter what, people will ask them "did that happen? Is this you? Could it be?" and then we have those that people only make their perceptions about and pass judgement.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you what group I belong to. If I belonged to the former, I wouldn't be writing this blog. But I am not writing this blog to change peoples' perceptions of me either. Honestly, I couldn't really be bothered what you think you know about me.

I'm writing this blog for those who are always perceived wrongly too. Your intentions are always misunderstood...heck, you are misunderstood in general! I just have one piece of advice that has helped me deal with being so misunderstood. YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS or those that MATTER to YOU should ALWAYS know the REAL story. They are the ones whose opinions count! Not everyone else and their wagging tongues. You should know even if you went around trying to make everyone like and understand you, some just won't. That's life.

I actually enjoy being misunderstood. Gives life a certain twist ;)

Your Environment DOES make you!

I can't stress my title enough. You don't have to agree. It's my opinion, my blog and I only speak from experience anyway.

The last three years in AUN have been crazy. As I approach graduation and the next phase of my life, I have been forced to look back and reflect on myself as a person. I noticed something a little creepy! AUN has brought out a strange personality in me.

When I first came to AUN, I was meek, easily intimidated and quite frankly, a baby. Just 16! I thought I knew it all then but this school showed me I have a long way to go. Since the bubble of innocence and naivety burst, I have discovered a lot of things about the world and people in general. That's not the point of this post though. The point is AUN has changed me in a lot of ways. Some I like, some not so much.

In an environment where you have one or two true friends, people always have something mean to say about you, guys are only interested in you for your physical attributes, and girls take the piss because you have what they don't...what do you think the outcome could be on your personality? I don't know about you but here is what such an environment has done for me.

• I am smarter now. Old Tara was extremely gullible. If someone told me back then that they could fly, I could have believed it because I always gave people the benefit of doubt. Now, not at all. It has become so bad, I don't even believe those who may be telling me the truth!
• I am meaner now. This one, I actually do like. It doesn't pay to be too nice. Eloka, Download and co taught me that! 
• I now freely express myself. What is the point of bottling up our feelings inside? Say what is on your mind...or tweet it or blog it. Keeping it in won't help.
• I am more self sufficient. In my first semester, with the exception of going to my classes, doing my work and writing my own exams and of course a few other things people do for themselves, I had almost everything done for me. Or at least, I was told how things should be done. Now, I do me, I take care of my own self and I rely on ME, MYSELF and I.
• I have learned to separate what I should care about from what is irrelevant. This is very important. There are opinions and ideas out there and some make sense while some are just bull****. That's why we are also different people. What makes sense to me, could be your bull****. Even this blog post might be crap to you. And that is OK. It's your life, not so?

This fall break, when I got home my boyfriend said I seemed different. Colder, more hardcore...that kinda thing. I laughed because I thought he was talking bullocks. But he is so right! When I am here, that side of my personality surfaces. I constantly have to protect myself from all the crap this environment brings and the only way I have learnt to do that is by putting up that tough "bitchy" exterior. Unfortunately, I have been at it so long it has become a part of me. 

Enter Queen Biatch! Tara and Queen Biatch are different people. Tara is who I have always been and will always be. Queen Biatch is the crazy woman who is ready to kick ass and I have AUN to thank for her conception. This twisted environment made her. 

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker...another Hollywood couple bite the dust

Personally, I have always liked Eva Longoria. When she and Tony Parker started dating in 2004, I wasn't floored by the match but I did think they were pretty cute. In 2006, they got engaged and in 2007, married. While I don't know any of em and I can't say I know if and why they are getting divorced, what I do know is that I am highly disappointed. Aside from the fact that they are public figures that maybe some might have looked up to, what ever happened to the sanctity of marriage?! Why do these people keep getting married only to get divorced and so soon after? You may as well keep dating if you know the slightest wave can rock the marriage! What's even more annoying, is how much they spend on these weddings! Kmt. Won't even go into it. It's not my money after all.

2010 has seen Christina Aguilera and her own hubby split up. Also, David and Courtney Cox (that one hurt!). Still all hope is not lost.

Now when I get news that Will and Jada Smith are splitting up, or worse yet, Jay Z and Beyonce, my personal favorite couple in all Hollywood, then I will totally give up on Hollywood marriages!

My Future Baby...Amboo

Yesterday, my boyfriend called me and while talking about his dogs, he let out a surprise he had for me next year. When they mate and have puppies, he's going to give me one! So delightful because; one, I happen to think a guy giving a girl a pet is such a romantic gesture. Two, I love dogs and I have wanted one since my last one (Marshall) ran away. Don't worry, he didn't run away cause I mistreated him. LOL. We were very good friends.

Anyways, Colin's (my boyfriend) dogs are called Taboo (weird name I know!) and Amber. I actually got to pick Amber's name :) They are both pit bulls and as a matter of fact, before knowing them both, I didn't fancy pit bulls too much. They are dogs so I still loved 'em but i didn't think they were cute. But Taboo and Amber, OMG! This picture of em doesn't do them justice, trust me (Amber left, Taboo right)

All day, I have been dreaming about my future puppy. Decided (with advice from Cynthia) that I would rather have a girl than a boy. And I am going to name her "Amboo", a mixture of her parents' names. LMAO! When I tweeted that earlier today, I nearly got my head chopped off. But I actually like the name! It's so unique. And it's cute. I hope she will look anything like these pups I googled. Look how adorable! Xxx

Turn Your Lights Down Low (Bob Marley ft. Lauryn Hill)

Turn Your Lights Down Low. If you don't have this song, close the page and shoot yourself. LOL. But really though, go and download it.

Mad tune. Four lifted ladies and we all singing along. Jamming.

Slow Down Baby!

India Arie's song "Slow Down" doesn't relate to this post at all. It's this line in the song that says "Slow down baby, you're moving too fast".

Slow down baby, you're moving too fast.

Is it just me and my world or are all the guys in our time way too presumptuous and quick to jump to facts? You made a joke, I laughed. A song plays on your phone and I exclaim that I love it. From that, we go into conversation and discover we like a lot of the same things. You share a drink with me, how nice. You make me feel completely comfortable and then just when I am about to conclude I have a new friend, you try to hold me. Or reach for a boob :|

Do guys realize that not every girl who is absolutely sweet to them wants to sleep with them? Is it possible that I just wanted to be your friend? Just needed someone to talk to? Maybe even someone I could see as a brother!

Guys need to chill off that though. It gets on my nerves.

Sleepless nights

It's 2:44am, Monday morning. Not exactly an ideal time to be awake especially as Monday is one of my hectic days. Between Yola's heat, three classes and just general Tara survival, I need my strength and I need my sleep.

Maybe my not being able to sleep is connected to having gotten WAY TOO MUCH rest this Sunday that just passed, but can one blame me? While it may appear to be so, my life is anything but easy. I get stressed too! And I sometimes could use a day of nothing but chilling. And even that, is tough to achieve because in addition to all the sleep, watching Dirty Sexy Money, and lying in bed I did today, I still did school work. Threw together a questionnaire for an impending project, wrote two stories, read a whole chapter of my WRI 320 textbook and finished a book for ENG 221. See, amidst all the "chilling", I still managed to get work most students would use two weekends to do, in one day!

So now, I have no further work to do (of course there is always work to do. What I mean is no PRESSING work, or at least work I would enjoy doing now), I'm stuck awake and listening to Celine Dion, music which I thought would soothe me to sleep but has only succeeded in keeping me awake thinking of my boyfriend (something I would rather not do!), and all I could come up with was to blog about the moment.

I could take a walk but that would just remind me of a moment in time I would like to forget. I don't even want to go down that road tonight. Totally unnecessary. Since I seem to enjoy writing so much and I have nothing useful to say here, I should probably get to work on my second story for WRI 320.

Sleepless nights are the worst. I think too much on nights like this and that is NEVER a good thing. Hope you guys are asleep... dreaming of nice things. X

My Roommate's Music Library

If you don't know who my roommate is, you are on a long thing (or you are just not someone I talk to on the reg' so her name is Cynthia. LMAO!). I love her collection of music! Its mostly rap/ hip hop and there are some mad tunes in there.

One day, I just need time, a hard drive, good internet (to arrange em right. Artist, Album, Year, that kinda thing. Very meticulous about my music...and other things but this is sidetracking) and her laptop (and phone too!) and I will copy all her songs and update my music library. Of course, no matter how much I update my library, I can't really enjoy my music till I get my 80GB iPod fixed. Without it, I am lost. Wow, what is with me and all the side talk? Odd much! LOL!

Other people I would like to get their music; Akin, Michael, Mitchell or was it JP (can't remember which), Haye (amazing Lauryn Hill collection!), another Cynthia and Tj. Why did I write all of that here? So I can remember later when I have the time, hard drive...bla bla bla. You already know this. LOL.

xoxo (this is fun! LOL)

Crap!

Oh crap!

Just realised I will become the new Sarah/ Steven. They are the people on my BB that update their BB statuses like they tweeting! Sure we all have someone like that on our BBs. LOL.

Well either I become that, or I will have 300 short blog posts in this week. LOL. I always feel the need to express myself. Should start doing that in song!

xoxo (that's how all my "short blog posts" will end. LOL)

Facebook, Twitter... NO THANKS!

It is so odd how I have woken up today in a fairly okay mood but then Twitter, had to piss me off. How it did, I don't even remember. LOL. But it has forced me to reach a conclusion. No Twitter or Facebook for a week!

Let's see if this week without these social networks will make my life happier! And if it does, well errone can say goodbye to me on Twitter and Facebook and start saying hello to me the old fashioned way; text messages!

Speaking of text messages, I do need to change my number too! Kmt!

The Commandments of November

First off all, I just want to thank God for the new month. One month to the end of the year! I love this period of the year; that's when I start to look back. Have I done all I said I would? Am I better than I was at the start of the year? This year has been SOMETHING! But that's a post for another day.


November. 30 days and I intend to make every single one count. My days are never routine. Random, exciting, different...just like me. LOL. However as an evolving woman, there are habits I want to cultivate and stick to. So this month, I have made a checklist of all the things I must do EVERYDAY.

• Work out
• Pray
• Read something inspiring
• Study (so painful but I must try!), and
• Do something nice for someone.

Now, things I must NOT do. Y'all may wanna take a few hints too.

• Worry, stress or obsess over stuff. It always works out as it is meant to. Plus you want to avoid getting wrinkles!
• Let people get to me.
• In the event that someone does get to me, letting them go scot-free. LMAO!
• Let myself be shushed. Shushing is for little girls!
• And finally, let my good heart get the best of me. 

Have a good new month everyone! X