The last three years in AUN have been crazy. As I approach graduation and the next phase of my life, I have been forced to look back and reflect on myself as a person. I noticed something a little creepy! AUN has brought out a strange personality in me.
When I first came to AUN, I was meek, easily intimidated and quite frankly, a baby. Just 16! I thought I knew it all then but this school showed me I have a long way to go. Since the bubble of innocence and naivety burst, I have discovered a lot of things about the world and people in general. That's not the point of this post though. The point is AUN has changed me in a lot of ways. Some I like, some not so much.
In an environment where you have one or two true friends, people always have something mean to say about you, guys are only interested in you for your physical attributes, and girls take the piss because you have what they don't...what do you think the outcome could be on your personality? I don't know about you but here is what such an environment has done for me.
- I am smarter now. Old Tara was extremely gullible. If someone told me back then that they could fly, I could have believed it because I always gave people the benefit of doubt. Now, not at all. It has become so bad, I don't even believe those who may be telling me the truth!
- I am meaner now. This one, I actually do like. It doesn't pay to be too nice. Eloka, Download and co taught me that!
- I now freely express myself. What is the point of bottling up our feelings inside? Say what is on your mind...or tweet it or blog it. Keeping it in won't help.
- I am more self sufficient. In my first semester, with the exception of going to my classes, doing my work and writing my own exams and of course a few other things people do for themselves, I had almost everything done for me. Or at least, I was told how things should be done. Now, I do me, I take care of my own self and I rely on ME, MYSELF and I.
- I have learned to separate what I should care about from what is irrelevant. This is very important. There are opinions and ideas out there and some make sense while some are just bull****. That's why we are also different people. What makes sense to me, could be your bull****. Even this blog post might be crap to you. And that is OK. It's your life, not so?
This fall break, when I got home my boyfriend said I seemed different. Colder, more hardcore...that kinda thing. I laughed because I thought he was talking bullocks. But he is so right! When I am here, that side of my personality surfaces. I constantly have to protect myself from all the crap this environment brings and the only way I have learnt to do that is by putting up that tough "bitchy" exterior. Unfortunately, I have been at it so long it has become a part of me.
Enter Queen Biatch! Tara and Queen Biatch are different people. Tara is who I have always been and will always be. Queen Biatch is the crazy woman who is ready to kick ass and I have AUN to thank for her conception. This twisted environment made her.
3 comments:
I totally agree. If I look at what I've been through, I can pinpoint the exact incidents that have made up a part of my personality.
But I've found that being a bitch on the outside is cool, however it causes people to make assumptions. Whether you care or not is of course up to you...
Very on point comment, A Girl. I personally have found that as long as your friends and family know what you are all about, the rest of the world can think whatever they want to. You just can't please everyone.
Tara I quite agree with you,
I also remember just a year in the university (OOU)recalling my actions and decisions I made way back in Secondary school (AGS) and I classified many of 'em as childish. Then I finished at 15, now am done with my 1st degree and I see a lot has changed. I specifically remember one of those times I was going through rapid change my younger sis commented, in her words "I used to think I know you, but I think am wrong". The truth is we get influence by our environment but we get to make most of the crucial decisions.
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